an eventful day...

i'm supposed to finishing yoong's history essay right now..but the feelings inside me have become to much to bear, that i have to put them down somewhere..even though it is a public blog and all the people who thrive on other ppl's misfortunes are probly gona read this just for kicks when they get a rare notification that i've updated my blog.

today was good...but the sick feeling in my stomach has spoilt, in a way, the second half of my day completely...its a sickening feeling..one i have no idea why i want to feel...yet definately want it never to go away. its C (name witheld for sensitive reasons). C was my first..and i guess that's why i'm feeling this way..

ppl say you never forget your first, that deep down inside ur heart, there's a place for your first. how true those words are..how long has it been since she left me? 5 years...and yet today the sight of her got my stomach churning..what do people call it? butterflies in your stomach? why? after 5yrs and changing so many times does she affect me this way? why is it that the mere sight of her makes me feel so nervous..so excited..and yet..so afraid...

i'm gona sound like a maniac..if i haven't already..but she's absolutely gorgeous..well..in my opinion...though she is quite skinny compared to wen i last saw her..freaked me out a little wen i saw she was carryin a study guide to SATs..but come to think of it..that's how she's always been..ambitious..determined..goal oriented...i know this might probably be a one off thing that happens everytime i see her and never else during my day to day activities, but i have to get it off my chest..she is beautiful...

oh well..its a one off thing...yes..its a one off thing...you shouldn't be thinking about this, get back to work james! be an insane little man and do ur homework..hai...yes, conscience...