birthday..wat?

hmm..nothing interesting is all i could say..birthday passed with little significant events..sent to sch..studied..ran errands..trained..yeah..that's about it..shall we celebrate?

yeah..i'm 18..but so wat? one more year on the walk towards the grave..added responsibility..added risk..i haven't had a sip of alcohol since i turned 18..was spose to last night..went for a swim with the fren i once disowned..but before we could break out the drinks..mum calls and says "please come home" in that way that u know she'll get fucking pissed and super hysterical if i dont..no good for anyone..least of all lil OLD me..

last night, tuesday..not my birthday..was actually one of the better ways to 'celebrate' my birthday..there were no happy birthdays, no cake no drink nothing..thx mum..but still...being with that friend..reali made me think about somethings that i guess i should be thinking about as i get older..as i turn 18..oh well...i wish i could be madly in love with her..i wish i could...but somethings are just not worth risking..i already have quite a good friendship with her..and i dun wana lose that by introducing a whole new dimension to the relationship just yet..maybe one day in the distant future..not now...

what a disappointment..oh welll

that's a birthday for u..happy birthday to me...as happy as happy can get..

birthday coming soon

who cares? who cares? who cares?

its one of the questions we can ask our selves each day..and yet..at the end of a lifetime...may never find the answer, and although some may say..my employer will care (about my grades) or my parents will care ( about our behavious) it still leaves me to question..at the end of the day, why is it that stuff that i enjoy doing seldom means anything to any one?

call me violent or oppressive or delusional or immature..but fighting is not just what i do best..but what i love to do...there's an inborn satisfaction that i derive from defeating an opponent..and i've yet to figure out what purpose my talent for such destructive capability or martial skill is to serve..not just from my own perspective but in the perspective of the grand design that exists somewhere out there..in essence...i'm reali asking myself...who cares?

who cares if i can beat a reali strong opponent..or crush those who would bully my friends? who cares if i outwardly proclaim that training gives me a sense of self worth, grounded in the power i possess? and who would care if i was honest and went up to them and said..i wish there were more fights in singapore..cuz its getting too boring it's sad?

no one would care..

so at the end of the day..what do i keep fighting for? i fight because i love to, and to hell if no body cares. no one is going to stop me from training or from tryin. i'm going to prove to myself that i can be the best in something because i want to be...

people ask me why, i keep going back to fight.
i wouldn't stop doing something i loved doin right?
read a blog of an old friend who now hates me, she doesn't know
but as i read the words she wrote, then i began to grow
to realise that its not worth hanging on to the questions
cuz the answers will come in time, and all u need is patience.
don't ask urself the purpose, or the reason why
the answer will only become more elusive, the harder that u try.
for the things that reali matter, that come from inside ur heart,
will only show its purpose if u bothered to start
doing what u like to do and not ask the reason why.
not doing what u like to do is telling ur self a lie.
i'm not gona stop doin and we'll see how i fare
cuz i'm no longer gona ask, who the f***ing hell cares.